I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
