walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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