I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
