I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
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Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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