He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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