I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
