you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
