Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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