Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.