playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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