I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
