There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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