yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize