He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
