Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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