I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
