Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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