I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
