I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
