he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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