What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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