Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
