just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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