xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Bring me that man meat
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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