dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
