Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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