you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
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he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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