Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
