Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
