the condom got lost in my hair
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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