Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
