I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
