btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
