1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
