would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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