why didn't you poke me back
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
