the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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