I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
