I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
