last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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