Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
