dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
