how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
