the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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