Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
