Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
