Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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