she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
