I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
