i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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