I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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