I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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