cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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