you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
