I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
