Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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