i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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