dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
