I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
