Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
