i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We were destined to go to rehab together
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
