I think I died a long time ago.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Randomize
