hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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