In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
