kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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