Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
