Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
