Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
