she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
